There was a time in my life when I was fearful. I’m not talking about the kind of cautious fear that contributes to wise decision making. I’m talking fear that consumes. Irrational at times. Fear that makes your heart race and keeps you from sleeping. Debilitating fear.
Fear that:
– My husband would leave me.
– Something would happen to Don (accident) and I’d be left a widow with children I could not provide for.
– I would be in a horrible car accident.
– One of my children would die.
– A child would be severely injured or would be born ill.
– We wouldn’t have enough money and would lose our home.
– A child would walk away from God.
– That one of my kids would be badly hurt while playing.
– A teen driver would crash the car and die.
– Etc., etc., and so forth and so on….
There is always something else to fear. But fear ravishes. It consumes and destroys. It robs. I did not want to be this way.
Slowly, God has changed me.
How?
By allowing into my life some of the things I feared.
And in so doing….
– Letting me experience first hand his comfort and provision.
– Helping me see that He is enough even in the midst of heartache and devastation.
– Leading me to give birth with no medical attendant present — thus forcing me to fully rely only on God.
– Walking with me through the trials and hurts of life.
– Comforting me in times of sadness.
– Sending friends to minister to me during times of discouragement.
– Demonstrating his abundant provision in spite of my own failings and mistakes.
– Showing his timely answers to prayer.
I have lost a child through miscarriage.
I have had a child born with a severe birth defect.
I’ve had a child diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder.
I’ve had a baby hospitalized, with no idea of what was wrong with him. So many tests.
I’ve had a child diagnosed with Autism.
I’ve had a child walk away from God.
We’ve had times that were financially tight.
I’m watching my dad battle an incurable disease.
And I have seen, and continue to see, how God walks with me and gives me strength.
I’ve also seen God provide faithfully for us for 26 years. There are more stories of his provision that I will tell, in time.
He has brought me safely through 11 births, with a variety of birth complications.
He has enabled me to meet the challenges presented to me, always giving me just what I need in that moment.
He has taught me to run to him in prayer when discouraged, afraid, confused, lonely or sad.
He has provided me with ready friends who have held me (us) up in prayer during times of trial
He has provided good counsel when the decisions were confusing.
Over and over again, he has been enough. When the fear starts to rise up, and I feel the tightness in my throat. I recall his mercies. And I pray.
“Lord, Thank you that you are enough. Even if I lose everything I hold dear, I can never lose you. Thank you! Lord, let this be for YOUR GLORY.”
It is a conscious surrender to the will of God, regardless of what that looks like.
Practically speaking. I do NOT indulge my imagination! Enough already. I will deal with the problems that ACTUALLY arise. Not the possible ones. Or the hypothetical ones.
I read of those who have gone before who have suffered greatly and have endured joyfully. Corrie ten Boom and Elisabeth Elliot are favorites of mine. I read what they learned of God through their suffering. God was right there with them in their suffering, and will also be with me though my suffering.
I don’t fear — not because I believe I am invincible — but because I know my God is!
― Corrie ten Boom
― Corrie ten Boom
― Corrie ten Boom
― Corrie ten Boom
― Corrie ten Boom
― Corrie ten Boom
― Corrie ten Boom
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned
He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
― Corrie ten Boom
― Jim Elliot
― Jim Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes
― Elisabeth Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot
― Elisabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes
Christina, I am truly blessed.
Encouraging words! Thanks, Christina
Beautiful, Christina. I needed to read this tonight.Thank you. <3
Well said, my dear friend. I so appreciate your openness. Love, triss