From Fear to Faith

There was a time in my life when I was fearful. I’m not talking about the kind of cautious fear that contributes to wise decision making. I’m talking fear that consumes. Irrational at times. Fear that makes your heart race and keeps you from sleeping. Debilitating fear.

Fear that:

– My husband would leave me.

– Something would happen to Don (accident) and I’d be left a widow with children I could not provide for.

– I would be in a horrible car accident.

– One of my children would die.

– A child would be severely injured or would be born ill.

– We wouldn’t have enough money and would lose our home.

– A child would walk away from God.

– That one of my kids would be badly hurt while playing.

– A teen driver would crash the car and die.

– Etc., etc., and so forth and so on….

There is always something else to fear. But  fear ravishes. It consumes and destroys. It robs. I did not want to be this way.

Slowly, God has changed me.


By allowing into my life some of the things I feared.

And in so doing….

– Letting me experience first hand his comfort and provision.

– Helping me see that He is enough even in the midst of heartache and devastation.

– Leading me to give birth with no medical attendant present — thus forcing me to fully rely only on God.

– Walking with me through the trials and hurts of life.

– Comforting me in times of sadness.

– Sending friends to minister to me during times of discouragement.

– Demonstrating his abundant provision in spite of my own failings and mistakes.

– Showing his timely answers to prayer.

I have lost a child through miscarriage.

I have had a child born with a severe birth defect.

I’ve had a child diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder.

I’ve had a baby hospitalized, with no idea of what was wrong with him. So many tests.

I’ve had a child diagnosed with Autism.

I’ve had a child walk away from God.

We’ve had times that were financially tight.

I’m watching my dad battle an incurable disease.

And I have seen, and continue to see, how God walks with me and gives me strength.

I’ve also seen God provide faithfully for us for 26 years. There are more stories of his provision that I will tell, in time.

He has brought me safely through 11 births, with a variety of birth complications.

He has enabled me to meet the challenges presented to me, always giving me just what I need in that moment.

He has taught me to run to him in prayer when discouraged, afraid, confused, lonely or sad.

He has provided me with ready friends who have held me (us) up in prayer during times of trial

He has provided good counsel when the decisions were confusing.

Over and over again, he has been enough. When the fear starts to rise up, and I feel the tightness in my throat. I recall his mercies. And I pray.

“Lord, Thank you that you are enough. Even if I lose everything I hold dear, I can never lose you. Thank you! Lord, let this be for YOUR GLORY.”

It is a conscious surrender to the will of God, regardless of what that looks like.

Practically speaking. I do NOT indulge my imagination! Enough already. I will deal with the problems that ACTUALLY arise. Not the possible ones. Or the hypothetical ones.

I read of those who have gone before who have suffered greatly and have endured joyfully. Corrie ten Boom and Elisabeth Elliot are favorites of mine. I read what they learned of God through their suffering. God was right there with them in their suffering, and will also be with me though my suffering.

I don’t fear — not because I believe I am invincible — but because I know my God is!

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength — carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
Corrie ten Boom
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
Corrie ten Boom
“Hold everything in your hands lightly, otherwise it hurts when God pries your fingers open.”
Corrie ten Boom
“You can never learn that Christ is all you need, until Christ is all you have.”
Corrie ten Boom
“Any concern too small to be turned into a prayer is too small to be made into a burden.”
Corrie ten Boom
“There are no ‘ifs’ in God’s world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety — let us pray that we may always know it!”
Corrie ten Boom
“If God has shown us bad times ahead, it’s enough for me that He knows about them. That’s why He sometimes shows us things, you know – to tell us that this too is in His hands.”
Corrie ten Boom
Life is but a Weaving (the Tapestry Poem)My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned

He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.
Corrie ten Boom

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”
Jim Elliot
“The will of God is always a bigger thing than we bargain for, but we must believe that whatever it involves, it is good, acceptable and perfect.”
Jim Elliot
“God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to.”
Elisabeth Elliot
“To be a follower of the Crucified means, sooner or later, a personal encounter with the cross. And the cross always entails loss.”
Elisabeth Elliot
“It is God to whom and with whom we travel, and while He is the end of our journey, He is also at every stopping place.”
Elisabeth Elliot
“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering…. The love of God did not protect His own Son…. He will not necessarily protect us – not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”
Elisabeth Elliot
“It is in our acceptance of what is given that God gives Himself.”
Elisabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes
“The only basis of peace is the cessation of the conflict of two wills: my will vs God’s.”
Elisabeth Elliot
“Teach me to treat all that comes to me with peace of soul and with firm conviction that Your will governs all.”
Elisabeth Elliot
“Christ is sufficient. We do not need “support groups” for each and every separate tribulation. The most widely divergent sorrows may all be taken to the foot of the same old rugged cross and find there cleansing, peace, and joy.”
Elisabeth Elliot, These Strange Ashes


Filed under Odds and ends

4 Responses to From Fear to Faith

  1. MOM

    Christina, I am truly blessed.

  2. Vicki

    Encouraging words! Thanks, Christina

  3. Sue

    Beautiful, Christina. I needed to read this tonight.Thank you. <3

  4. triss curtis

    Well said, my dear friend. I so appreciate your openness. Love, triss

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